The scene: a local skating rink where two of my kids are taking ice skating lessons.
I am watching my kids skate (sort of) when I hear a loud wail. I look over and see a young boy, can’t be more than 4 years old, hysterical that he wants to stop ice skating. His mother, meanwhile, is sternly telling him repeatedly, “You may not get off that ice!” This situation escalates until the boy, sniffling and sad, tears running down his face, bravely wobbles back over to his group and finishes his lesson.
Can somebody tell me where it is written that we must force our 4-year-old child to learn how to ice skate? Ice skating is not a critical life skill (like, say, swimming). I understand the idea that once we sign up for something, we follow through and we expect our child to do the same. But what if we made a mistake signing up for a particular activity? What if our child is not ready? What if he can barely stand on 2 skates, let alone get through a 1/2 hour lesson? Have we passed the point where we can be flexible and say, “ok, maybe my child is not ready for this” or “maybe this is not the sport for him” or something like that.
My goal is to always respect my children as individuals… to encourage activities where they will have the opportunity to shine, not to humiliate them and force them into things that are difficult for them or that cause stress for them. Call me judgemental or sanctimonious, and I know I am a bit on the soapbox right now, but I really felt sorry for that little boy. And is there a chance in hell that he will someday have positive associations with ice skating, that this will one day be an activity that he will derive pleasure from? Based on the fact that his mother is forcing him to participate as a child, I doubt it.
HI
We always suggest that if your young child doesn’t want to skate, simply take him or her home and bring him or her back the next week. Or take a make up class…
Sometimes 4 yr olds just aren’t in the mood for skating. Rather than fight them, just pull them out and bring them back again until they are in the right mood.
force never works with children.
I read your blog & feel so great! I signed my 3 yr. old daughter up for indoor soccer. We went one Saturday and never went back. My daughter is used to being around other kids (day care and now preschool) and I don’t know if it was the disorganization of the program (very loud in the gym) or if she just wasn’t ready but she clung to my leg and cried the whole time. If she doesn’t want to be there, then why make the whole family miserable? Oh well, we were out $30 and we get to go back to sleeping in on Saturdays. Every now and again I have fleeting thoughts of having kept her in the program…we need to finish what we start…but then I quickly remember, gosh, she’s only 3 and we have lots and lots of time to practice finishing projects. It took me until college to master that skill myself!!!! Anyway, thanks for your blog-it made me feel a whole lot better.
Kari,
Thanks for writing. I am with you — she’s only 3, there’s no reason to push anything! I know what you mean about the whole “we finish what we start” angle, but I think that applies more to school age kids who ask to sign up for something, then want to back out in the middle of the term. To be honest, I tend to be somewhat lenient even in that case… I choose my battles and usually that one is not worth it to me!
Nina