The following is a guest post from momAgendaCOMM blogger Heather Reinhard.
I was watching The Bachelorette recently {I know – don’t judge, but I get roped into some reality television}. Anyway, I know that the show isn’t totally “real” and there may be parts that are enhanced, scripted, what have you…but the emotions I saw from The Bachelorette herself last night were real – and I was saddened for her.
I will not discuss or judge her for the choices she’s made in her life but what I can’t help but comment on is the emotional state of this young woman.
And it broke my heart.
As I was watching, I wasn’t even thinking “What if that was me?” All I could think was, “Wow. What if that was MY daughter?”
The bottom line is, this woman did not feel worthy of the attention from these guys. She thought she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough – good enough.
And perhaps the worst part? She kept comparing herself to another woman. It was heart breaking to watch this woman be knocked down by herself and all I kept thinking was I never want my daughter to think of herself in that way.
I want my daughter to be confident and secure in who she is. I never want her to be insecure and made to think differently about herself especially those based on judgments by another.
I want my daughter to love and appreciate every ounce of her body. I want her to respect herself and grow to become a confident, self-assured and well articulated woman of the world. I don’t want her to be insecure about any “inadequacies” even though I know this may be a struggle. We have to stop this negative talk and redefine what real beauty is.
Although I don’t have the perfect body, I’ve come a long way of loving it after having two babies and working through those issues. More than anything, I want my daughter to love herself for every single beautiful thing she is. I want her to appreciate what she offers the world and relish in the fact that she is special because she IS a beautiful human being.
If I could send one message out to The Bachelorette it would be to take some time away to heal YOURSELF first. You can’t give love to anyone until you LOVE yourself.
And the true reality is – if I can manage to teach my daughter to love herself for the beautiful person she is right now as well as the beautiful person she will become – then I’ve done my job.
So, here’s to our daughters finding the real beauty within themselves FOR themselves and nobody else.
Heather Reinhard is the leader of the Council of Media Moms at momAgenda. She writes about motherhood on her personal blog Theta Mom and owns her own Media Company. You can always find her on Twitter.
Beautiful post. I wholeheartedly agree. All women should be shown, from the time they are girls, that they are truly, innately beautiful because they are. Your daughter is a lucky little girl to have a mom who understands true beauty. We should all be so lucky.
Beautifully said. I don’t watch that show, but I am trying to teach my daughter the same things. I think we all should.
So true Heather, just spent a weekend in South Beach and seeing the young girls on the arms of some of the most obnoxious, arrogant men … made me want to hug them and ask where their Mother’s were!
AMEN!
It’s going to be a struggle for me to not tear myself down in front of my daughter, but it’s something I’m trying very hard not to do. If she can’t see me appreciating and loving myself, how can she learn to do the same for herself? Great post. Great message!
This is SOOO true. Great post.
Thanks for the great comments! I am really proud of the message here and perhaps, this is the first step toward redefining “real” beauty for our daughters!!
What a great post! It’s so true, and I’m guilty of watching too
Wonderful post, Heather. My daughter will be turning eight-years old this Saturday, and already in her young life, we have tackled issues of insecurity and peer pressure. When she was in Kindergarten, a classmate told her she was fat. That night, she refused to eat dinner for fear of gaining weight. I’ve worked extremely hard over the last couple of years to improve her self-esteem. Now we are in a phase where if you say, “You are beautiful!” she will reply with, “I know” and a very confident smile on her face. I hope and pray that she keeps that attitude for as long as possible. Thank you for sharing this post!